(Originally posted at: https://www.facebook.com/notes/malcolm-campbell/remembering-2016/10150588188954995 )
I spent today with friends, playing games. Then I got on my motorbike, and rode up to the hospice, as I do each year, and repeat the ride I did ten years ago, on the night Sarah died. Before she died, Sarah told me she was terrified of being forgotten. There was no chance of anyone who knew her forgetting her, she was, and still is, a magical presence that pops up in your thoughts all the time. But I promised her I’d never forget her, and the ride is a way of proving to her that I still remember.
But it’s not the only thing we do to remember her. That year, when she was in hospital and then the hospice, I visited her every day. It made for a strange Christmas and New Year, I was out of the house a lot, and returning home to Veronica, a cup of tea, and the lights on the Christmas tree gave me a really feeling of hope that made the challenges so much easier.
So the tree stayed up when we went back to work. It stayed up through Twelfth Night. We only turned it off when I got home on the day Sarah died.
The tree’s become an important part of our winter holiday together, Veronica and I choose a new decoration each year, and remember each year and what we did as we put them up. But the tree stays lit till tonight. Till I get back from the bike ride, and turn it off.
The tree carries a lot of symbolism and memory for me, but the light reminds me of Sarah. It stays on to remind of those precious last days. It goes off to remind of the light that’s gone.
The tree will stay up till tomorrow – when I can take it down with Veronica – each of the memories associated with it carefully put away till next year. But I’ll keep remembering Sarah, in many ways, through the year.
In fact, Ill start right now, with a small whisky…
For those that didn’t know her, this is what I wrote after she died: https://www.skirnir.com/seolta/sarah/
All my posts about Sarah are saved here now: https://www.skirnir.com/seolta/