(Originally posted on Livejournal and mirrored at: https://calum.dreamwidth.org/181517.html )
One year ago today was the last time I spent (in this world) with my friend Sarah. Tonight, as a way of remembering her, I took my motorbike out for a ride, and rode the same route I did on that night.
When I rode that road a year ago, I knew she didn’t have long to live, and was riding to fetch someone else so they could be with her at the end. I felt very strongly that she slipped onto the pillion of my bike with me, and laughed happily as I raced down the road. It wasn’t till later that I discovered that had been the moment she finally slipped away.
Sarah always shared my love of bikes. No-one else has ridden pillion with me as much as she has – and as soon as she could, she got her own bike. I think it’s the sense of independance, freedom, and adventure we both love. A car just never feels the same.. even a tiny convertible with the roof down still feels like a “cage” – where the bike feels like you are out on the road, flying above the surface, with nothing between you and the world.
Tonight, I’d hoped I’d feel her with me again. It wasn’t quite like that, but she was there. Not the same intense feeling of her presence.. but a faint shade, a memory.. not riding the bike with me, but flying along behind. Diaphanous, laughing.. happy. The last time, I knew she was with me.. This time.. maybe it was memory, or wishful thinking.. or maybe not, but it felt good to share that with her, wherever it came from. I felt a hug before she finally slipped away..
Love you, Sarah.
(Then just to bring me back down to earth with a thump, a car pulled out in front of me on the way home. Cue emergency stop. I didn’t fall, or hit anything, but my neck hurts. Bah!)
For those that didn’t know her, this is what I wrote after she died: https://www.skirnir.com/seolta/sarah/
All my posts about Sarah are saved here now: https://www.skirnir.com/seolta/